Is what I wrote to him.. What I thought was: omfg, are you serious? Beacuse I’m still cinda in love with you, and that sucks since I know I can’t have you. You are just to good for me.. I really just want to sit down sometimes and just cry, I don’t know why but I know that when I’m done I’ll be so tired so I just can fall asleep and not think about: why doesn’t he just tell me I’m not good enough? Instead of telling me that he got a girlfriend.. It’s like I was going to tell him that: Today I flirted with this guy in class, or, So you got a girlfriend? Well, I got over 10 friends who I nearly can say is my best friends and I could just ask one of them or something..(FYI: bad example) But no, that’s not how I am. Yes ofc I got jealus when you said you got a girlfriend, but not on you. On her, cause when you write to me it’s like I want you here, next to me.. 

In the start you were like my big brother who wanted me to be safe, but after a while you started to flirt, and I just… Fell for you. I got no idea why, but i fell so hard. It was like kindergarten + 1-5th grade. Cause then I had this crush, on my bestfriend (boy) and well we don’t got so much contact now but when I see him, I just have to smile to him… 

Here I am, writing on my tumblr anomonys cause I don’t know if I can trust my friend 110%, and that sucks.. 

I just don’t get why you have said goodbye so many times.. But everytime you have been back after some weeks or months. It’s like you keep punching me in the face, and it’s like you got some word or something who make me fall for you again.. I don’t know what, but i just keep falling for you, but I just don’t get why… Why you? Why not the dude in class? Why not some of my other friends? 

Next time you say goodbye, please don’t come back just to hurt me like again..